Northern Line pooh carriage...

I was waiting at Clapham North tube station for the next train into town at morning rush hour. I had been waiting ten minutes and about 4 fully-packed trains had gone past already, that were so full I couldn't get on. The next one pulled into the station. Carriage after carriage went past, all of them full to bursting point of commuters. Fuck, I thought. This is taking the piss. Then I noticed one carriage out of them all was almost empty! What luck!! I sprinted down the platform as fast as I could to reach my Holy Grail before some other cunts got it. The doors started closing, the beep-beep-beep-beep was beeping but I got there just in time as the doors closed behind me. How pround I was, looking out of the window smugly at the other poor sods who didn't make it as the train departed. I turned around, time to find a seat. Loads of choice. The other three people in this carriage are right at the ends. How strange, I thought. It was then that I noticed a pile of at least 6 human poos slipping around on the floor this way and that, riding a lake of piss. Thankfully, I managed to ride it out to the next stop without getting any shit or piss on my feet. Some more poor sods got on at the next stop though. Hehehehee love it!